Since the time of my breast cancer diagnosis, we have talked openly with our five year-old daughter. While the personal nature of this circumstance made the conversations emotionally challenging, my professional experience as an adult and pediatric hospice nurse gave me both the tools and confidence to ensure that we gave her the developmentally appropriate answers.
Right after my treatment finished, our daughter has been revisiting a lot of the original questions as well as asking some new ones. For example, the other day while driving to school, Finally Five asked, “Do you think that your cancer will come back?” GULP.
So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to share with you her questions and our answers. These questions tend to be typical of most children affected by a cancer diagnosis.
- What is cancer?
- The body is made up of cells. Cells make our bodies work. They are so tiny that you need a microscope to see them.
- Cancer cells don’t look or act like normal cells. They don’t allow our normal, healthy cells to work properly. They can grow very fast and spread. Cancer cells may group together to form a tumor.
- There are many different types of cancer. Cancer can grow anywhere in the body.
- Finally Five wanted to know if a person could get cancer in your eyes, on your skin and in your legs.
- There is an iPad application called 3D4medical that has an image of a breast cancer cell. It is an ominous looking beast of a cell. This was really helpful for Finally Five to envision what was in my body and to then understand the sense of urgency (& drastic measures!) to get it out.
- Is cancer contagious?
- Cancer is not something that you can catch from someone else like you can a cold or the flu.
- You can be close to the person who has cancer and not worry about catching it.
- Did I cause cancer?
- No. Nothing that anyone does, says or thinks can cause cancer in someone else. Ever.
- Though they will rarely ask the question out loud, YES, children wonder whether they caused cancer. It’s sad, but true. If this question isn’t addressed, children can carry this fear (that they had some hand in causing cancer) with them into adulthood.
- Why do people get cancer?
- Most of the time, no one knows why someone gets cancer. It’s hard to not have all of the answers, but the truth is we don’t.
- What causes cancer?
- There is still a lot we don’t know about how cancer begins and what causes it?
- Sometimes cancer can be caused by some chemicals, air pollution (smoke), certain viruses and other things inside and outside the body.
- Do children get cancer?
- Yes, unfortunately children do get cancer. It is rare for children to get cancer. More adults get cancer than children.
- Who will take care of me?
- There are lots of people who will help me take care of you when I’m feeling sick. When I’m finished with my cancer treatment, I will be strong again. When I’m getting my treatment, I’ll be around as much as I possibly can and we will do different things when I’m sick, like watch Silver Lining movies and read books.Another reason to process information about cancer with parents is that children learn about cancer from other sources, e.g., school, television, the Internet, their classmates, and listening to other people talk. Some of this information is correct but a lot of it is not. Not knowing what is really going on or how to cope with information about cancer can be terrifying to a child.So, doesn’t it just make more sense to hear the information at home?Talking about cancer does not have to be traumatic. If anything, NOT talking about it is ultimately more traumatic. In the past, misplaced embarrassment about cancer has allowed misunderstandings and fears about the illness to grow. Remember: there are always professionals who are willing and able to help when parents feel overwhelmed by talking with children (Silver Lining). Engaging professional help when coping with cancer is a sign of strength and resourcefulness.Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.~Thomas Jefferson
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